note to self

"You go back and forth in your head, often, about giving it up. It’s hard to understand when you’re sitting there in your chair, having breakfast or whatever, that giving it up is stronger than holding on, that ‘letting yourself go’ could mean you have succeeded rather than failed. You eat your goddamn cheerios and bicker with the bitch in your head who keeps telling you you’re fat and weak: shut up you say, I’m busy, leave me alone. When she leaves you alone, there is a silence and a solitude that will take some getting used to. You will miss her sometimes.

Bear in mind she’s trying to kill you. Bear in mind you have a life to live.”

- Marya Hornbacher