You know those before and after photos? The ones that thinspo weightloss blogs like to post?

Here’s another before and after photo. Before that’s me, excited and enthusiastic to cook myself a meal and make another stab at recovery (bite by bite). Cute outfit, right? Black skinnies and a cute happy sweater. Thumbs-up, etc etc. After? That’s what it looks like when I’m triggered and tempted to purge, but resisting. The only thing I feel comfortable in right now is a pair of my dad’s sweatpants (mens 2XL, if you’re wondering - he was 6’3” and broad and, you know, a serious-sized man) and a baggy t-shirt. Sipping seltzer like I have the fucking stomach flu. Dead-eyed, filled with loathing for every atom in my entire body. Sick. Hurting.

So there’s your “before and after,” pro-ED folks. This is what an eating disorder looks like. Misery and pain.

This has been me for many many years. How do I stop doing this but still be me?

This has been me for many many years. How do I stop doing this but still be me?

(via allalone-in-myhead)

LAURA.

do NOT binge/purge the cookies you baked as a surprise for your boyfriend. That would be RIDICULOUSLY STUPID.

shes-starting-again:

ED or Recovery? 

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery? 

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery? 

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery? 

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery? 

ED or Recovery?

ED or Recovery?

I’ll always struggle with this.

(via brittlebonesandhopefulhearts-de)