"EAT

When recovery is not all yoga mats
and tea and avocados, it is work.

It is listening to your body rather
than pretending not to hear her.

It is waking up so hungry, you are
nauseous, but swallowing breakfast

anyways. It is taking an hour to eat a
snack. It is your stomach throwing a

tantrum and telling the acidic voice
in your head she has the wrong address.

Trying to ignore the caloric calculator in my head is like trying to ignore television subtitles.

Every time you asked if I was full, I heard you say fat, and I’m trying, trying so hard not to do that.

This is teaching my body how to forgive.

This is teaching my brain how to apologize."

EAT, by Blythe Baird (via blythebrooklyn)

(via rediscoveringnatalie)

finally decided to just get pizza

famous famiglias is OUT OF CHEESE PIZZA

walked away in tears because the lady was mean about it too

"We obviously don’t have cheese" (pointing at counter)
excuse me I was too busy trying not to have a panic attack from looking at large amounts of food

fuck

3 notes

ok so ordering/receiving the pizza was AWFUL and nervewracking and I cried but now I’m happy. whew.

I ordered a pizza by myself AND for myself! (Really, really hard for me in terms of ED stuff.) Now I am going to give Pip a little walk and then make a salad and settle down to enjoy dinner (salad + pizza) and Harry Potter. I didn’t get any work done today, but I will tomorrow! I was way sleepy and I did travel all freaking morning, get info about reserving hotel blocks at a local hotel for the wedding, get groceries, have lunch, take care of Pip, Skype with Peter, and watch one and a half episodes of Doctor Who. Oh, and I did laundry.

Making grownup-y decisions, deleting the diet-y type app I had been using and replacing with Recovery Record. Planning to finally finish Intuitive Eating. Thinking about ordering a recovery journal  or possibly this book.

I think I am in the “preventing relapse” stage of recovery.

and i hate my body so much i can hardly stand to breathe

Reading from the textbook while making spaghetti with marinara sauce, fake chickn, & peas for lunch. Absentmindedly pondering making breakfast for David tomorrow (toast, fried eggs, bacon, etc.) and chicken schnitzel for lunch or dinner tomorrow. Very cooking-minded lately. Mmm…

(Source: un3arthinghappiness, via sparkle-sweets)

262 notes

Going through clothes/cleaning out the closet was THE WORST POSSIBLE IDEA. Like, Triggerfest 2014. (Also Sneezefest because I already have a mini-cold + it is dusty as hell when you start taking boxes out of the closet.) Fuck that. I’m going to watch HankGames and pretend the bedroom doesn’t exist, as it is now full of lovely clothes that I no longer fit into. 

And if I feel like it I will work on a teeny capsule wardrobe of summer clothes that fit my current body. UGH.

Tumblr Recovery Warriors: A Question

My church is doing a curriculum called Just Eating regarding food from both a personal perspective (what do I put in my body?) and a political/community perspective (how do my food shopping choices affect others?). There is an adult group doing it (I’m in that) and the youth group is also doing it (basically 12 - 18 year olds). I am meeting, hopefully Friday, with the youth minister to discuss how to make it sensitive and safe for teens dealing with body image concerns, dieting, and eating disorders. I have my own personal opinions but I could use others — what makes a conversation about food and eating safe for those with these concerns? What else should I tell the youth minister?

This is my first post for the NEDA Week Photo Challenge. For those of you who don’t know, this week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. You can learn more at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org. (I interned at NEDA last year — they are wonderful people doing important work.) I am in recovery from anorexia type 2 and struggling a lot lately with body image and whatnot. So this week comes at a good time for me. Here I am with no makeup and no filter. This is what I look like, and I am done apologizing.

This is my first post for the NEDA Week Photo Challenge. For those of you who don’t know, this week is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week. You can learn more at www.nationaleatingdisorders.org. (I interned at NEDA last year — they are wonderful people doing important work.) I am in recovery from anorexia type 2 and struggling a lot lately with body image and whatnot. So this week comes at a good time for me. Here I am with no makeup and no filter. This is what I look like, and I am done apologizing.