23 years old. Queer. New York. BA in Gender Studies. Germanophile, writer, reader (see my books here), feminist, runner, writer, lover, nerd. More about me :) In recovery from an eating disorder; living with PTSD. Trigger warnings always apply, please take gentle care. What's up, babycakes?
“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” (Romans 8:38 NLT)
(via lovechangeseverythang)
Not of recovery…but of actually getting there, being recovered and not having the safety net of my eating disorder anymore. Not having the cold arms to hold me back and keep me from harm. Not having the coping mechanism I suppose. But mostly I am just so scared of living without my disorder. Of getting up and eating because that’s just what I do, without questioning it. Without thinking about it. I am so scared of that. So mind-numbingly afraid.
I’m (very, very, very) afraid too! But today I’m trying to put my faith in those who love me and in the universe that recovery is the right choice. Someone in Group told me that often we can’t feel the difference between flying and falling, and that’s scary. But I choose to believe that I’m flying, and if I fall I’ll deal with that when it happens. <3
(Source: brianenos, via kristensrecovery)
Losing My Religion - R.E.M.
that’s me in the corner
that’s me in the spotlight
losing my religion
& trying to keep up with you
& I don’t know if I can do it
oh, now I’ve said too much - I haven’t said enough
This was one of my dad’s favorite songs towards the end of his life, in the midst of his illness. He bought this CD and listened to it on his iPod during chemotherapy sessions. As it turned out, we both had an obsession with that song, and after we discovered this, I went and listened to it again, fully, and actually heard the words. I cried for over an hour. My daddy. My daddy. He knew he was dying.
If I Ever Lose My Faith In You - Sting
if I ever lose my faith in you
there’d be nothing left for me to do
I could be lost inside their lies
without a trace
but everytime I close my eyes
I see your face
From my family’s official driving-to-Sea-Ranch CD. As Mom and I drove south on Highway One, en-route to scatter Dad’s ashes back at Sea Ranch, this came onto the tinny radio signal we scrolled past. It was almost unbelievable. (daddy please come back for me)
