Hey, just throwing this out there

1. My wedding is rapidly approaching which involves many many complex and sometimes painful emotions, a number of which center around the whole everyone-will-look-at-me thing and the I-need-to-buy-yet-more-dresses thing and the general appearance/body focus
2. October is the month in which, three years ago now (!) I had a very very intense scrape-with-death type health-scared related to my eating disorder which then plunged me into an overwhelming treatment program which ultimately saved my life and
3. My supervisor, who is Queen Foot-In-Mouth, made a comment last week that was literally (regarding a client of mine) “well, his last therapist was attractive, so…” therefore 
4. I am extremely, extremely triggered and feel on the brink of a lapse/relapse and I really, really need a lot lot lot of positive encouragement and recovery-themed support and just for the record I
5. Am in therapy, but my therapist (whom I’ve seen three times) may not be able to see me for a literal month so I am considering switching to ensure I have more/better care (thoughts?) and I have also informed David of how tough things are, ordered a body-image book thing that looks quite good, and today pampered myself with a present (a stuffed animal whale) but still I
6. Would really, really love a lot of messages/support/etc. Whaddaya say?


When recovery is not all yoga mats
and tea and avocados, it is work.

It is listening to your body rather
than pretending not to hear her.

It is waking up so hungry, you are
nauseous, but swallowing breakfast

anyways. It is taking an hour to eat a
snack. It is your stomach throwing a

tantrum and telling the acidic voice
in your head she has the wrong address.

Trying to ignore the caloric calculator in my head is like trying to ignore television subtitles.

Every time you asked if I was full, I heard you say fat, and I’m trying, trying so hard not to do that.

This is teaching my body how to forgive.

This is teaching my brain how to apologize."

EAT, by Blythe Baird (via blythebrooklyn)

(via strength-to-recover)

HOW am I supposed to get dressed for church when EVERYTHING makes me look stupid and awful and fat

How to talk to your eating disorder:


How many Calories have I eaten?: Fuck you Ed
I’m Feeling Fat: Fuck you Ed
What do I Weigh?: Fuck you Ed
is my dress size ok?: Fuck you Ed
Thigh gap?: FUCK YOU ED
Stop eating: Fuck you Ed
Look in the mirror: Fuck you Ed
body image distortion: fuck you Ed
I’m worthless: Fuck you Ed.
Always: FUCK YOU ED.

(Source: anabites)

Thoughts this morning:


Me: Mmmh what could I have for breakfast?
ED: Sshhh.
Me: What?
ED: You’ve had three bowls of cereals last night before going to bed.
Me: Oh, right …
ED: So you’ve already had your breakfast.
Me: …
ED: And the two next ones.
Me: … you know what?
ED: Mmh?
Me: I’m gonna have three slices of bread, mashed banana & peanut butter, a sliced apple, and a nice cup of hot milk with cinnamon.
ED: This is -
Me: And maybe some cereals, thanks for reminding me about them.
ED: But -
Me: Sssshhhhh. I don’t like you.

(via fragile-euphoria)

the irony


Every time I see Special K’s “What will you gain when you lose?” tagline, all I can think about is how overwhelmingly paradoxical that idea is. Why is it so commonplace to believe that weight loss holds some key to happiness? Anyone with an eating disorder can tell you that losing weight deprives you of so much life. In turn, you’ll “gain” a built-in calorie counter that will carefully dominate your mind, brittle hair and nails, infertility, constant anxiety, lanugo, organ failure, weak bones, and plenty of other wonderful physical and psychological complications. 

Anyone recovering from an eating disorder can also attest that “gaining” is associated with so much more than weight; it’s about getting your life back. I understand that Special K’s target audience is those that want to diet and is not meant to have any association with eating disorders, but can we just stop spreading these misconceptions? You want change? How about you work on your mind.

I love this post, Ashley. 

(via courageisgraceunderpressure-dea)


Submitted by: sexyhealthygirl

Wouldn’t that be something!


Submitted by: sexyhealthygirl

Wouldn’t that be something!

(Source: 100reasonstorecover)

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