Me: I should go to bed but I feel lonely.
David: I feel lonely too.
Me: ...
David: ...
David: COINCIDENCE?! I THINK NOT
Amy: That's a seriously weird bedtime story.
The Doctor: YOU can talk, wolf in your grandmother's nightdress?
Grandma: You can't trust anyone anymore.
Me: You can trust me, I can trust you. We can trust our family.
Grandma: You can't trust me, I'd love you to death!
Boyfriend: I'll try not to do that so often.
Me: Do what?
Boyfriend: Be laughing at you as soon as you wake up.
Me: I am being constantly lightly electrocuted, an introvert in the painful pool of social interaction and no privacy
Peter: Does it help when I send text messages?
Me: YES. PLEASE SAVE ME FROM MY ISLAND OF MISERY
I was hungry so I bought some animal crackers at Target.

tycrystar:

Cashier guy: ok that will be 1.39
Me: uh can I get a bag too please?
Cashier guy: *gives me a weird look but hands me a small bag*
Me: thank you I think people might look at me funny if they see me walking around the mall with animal crackers you know
Cashier guy: what just be like “YEH I LIKE ANIMAL CRACKERS AND WHAT”
Cashier guy (as I’m leaving): DON’T LET THE HATERS BRING YOU DOWN YOU EAT THOSE ANIMAL CRACKERS GIRL

YES

(Source: kelfie, via friendlyneighborhoodblackgirl)

297,942 notes

Sicorax Leader: I DEMAND TO KNOW WHO YOU AAARRRREEE!!!!!!
The Doctor: IIIII DOOOON'T KNOOOOOW!!!!!
Me & Peter: *have to pause episode because we are laughing too hard*
Laura (speaking as Peter): 'I've known that for years, you idiot'
Peter: When did I ever say idiot?!
Laura: In your head.
Peter: No...
Laura: In my head
Peter: No, YOU said idiot in YOUR head in MY voice. Stop putting words in your head! ...wait, no...
1 note

bad skype connection

Boyfriend: I promise I don't have a pile of gravel in front of my face.
Me: My possums had truth out of babel...infinitely with a face?
0 notes

Me: plz hire me bcuz i m smart & liek kidz. <--- probably should not send this
Boyfriend: No honey: "Please hire me because I am smart and I like kids" is more formal.