Finished another book (The Leftovers by Tom Perrotta) — it feels so good to read the way I used to (or closer to it). Now: spinach and cheese ravioli with cream + some more Polar Express.
23 years old. Queer. New York. BA in Gender Studies. Germanophile, writer, reader (see my books here), feminist, runner, writer, lover, nerd. More about me :) In recovery from an eating disorder; living with PTSD. Trigger warnings always apply, please take gentle care. What's up, babycakes?
I really wish I didn’t have to facilitate or go to dinner with family friends todayyy. I wish I could just put it off. I feel sick, my head and tummy hurt, it’s about a zillion degrees in my bedroom, and I’m trying to get my room cleaned which is taking forever because I’ve been really messy lately, and I’m behind on homework and just UGH NO WHY TODAY?
Something my therapist has been working on me with — or really something we did once and I have been trying to remember to do more often — is remembering parts of my identity from before my eating disorder and assault(s)*, or from outside that. Because I often feel that My Identity Is Survivor and My Identity Is EDNOS, and she wants me to remember that I am much more than that and I was someone before that and I can again be someone after it.
when I looked at this photo after I got home from shopping yesterday (of a shirt I didn’t buy) I thought I almost looked skinny. Like almost as if gaining weight might not be a bad idea for me or something. Or at least not-losing. That’s gone now and I look normal (fat) again. But. What??
I think I finally have my schedule worked out for next term! It’s going to be a bit too much, maybe, but we’ll see.
I’m facilitating a discussion section for Women’s & Gender Studies 101 so I’ll attend 101 classes and of course attend (and run) my discussion section — and I’ll take a course called Feminist Pedagogy.
I’m also taking Queer Migrations and Gender & Sex in Antiquity.
For relaxing/exercise/general fantastic-ness I am finally taking Contact Improv again (!!!).
Fridays I will be meeting and writing with my lovely thesis people. Aaaand I am 90% sure I still have room open for my e.d. group therapy.
…my head almost doesn’t hurt. I feel almost awake.
Maybe this “being lazy when sick” thing actually sort of works!!! I’m going to finish my (cold…) tea and take a shower. And my temperature is only 99.8*, a mere two degrees above my normal temperature. Woo-woo!
drink more water
finish facilitator application
cut out & hang up affirmations
review thesis & paper topics
dash out to meet w/ Prof. E!