am I so impossible and whiny and needy and awful and scared all the fucking time? Ugh ugh ugh
24 years old. Queer. Indiana/New York. BA in Gender Studies. Counseling student. Germanophile, writer, reader (see my books here), feminist, runner, writer, lover, nerd. More about me :) In recovery from an eating disorder & PTSD, living with depression. Trigger warnings always apply, please take gentle care. What's up, babycakes?
110% convinced that everyone in the whole world hates me, besides maybe my mom (maybe) and maybe my dog (even less likely). Equally convinced I’m horrid and awful and deserve it.
I’m sorry. :(
1. epic tantrum while baking because I’m stupid babyish etc. and food upsets me (“this is why I hate food, because it doesn’t fucking work for me, not eating or making it or anything!” — runs upstairs — slams door — wow real mature laura)
2. I want a huggable-sized stuffed animal puppy more than anything
3. I do not want to do work, I want to cry in bed with stuffed animals and children’s TV shows
ETA: Maybe I want a stuffed animal frog. GOD WHO KNOWS WHAT I WANT IN LIFE
I suck I suck I suck I suck I suck.
Staying home from contact because I had some recovery failures that involved sleeping like 2 - 3 hours and not having enough food in my system, and contacting in that state is dangerous.
I wish I could enjoy coloring while listening to Owl City but I’m too busy HATING MYSELF.
this is my new basil plant. probably will be dead soon as I suck at plants.
aaand after a sunny markety morning, I’m triggered and in bed. my therapist warned me that shit was going to be crazy this weekend and to be nice to myself. but.
fuck I have shit to do god damn it I suck
stupid fucking babyish self laura is missing lecture because she couldn’t handle lunch and she cannot stop fucking crying.
learning moment: maybe setting up my schedule so that I only have 20 minutes to eat is a bad idea. too much pressure.
fucking shit goddamn I suck and I wanted to go to lecture.