amazingly, even after I told my stories out loud, I did not die, or burst into flame. I didn’t even faint.
I did lose sensation in my face for a while, and my limbs and fingers went tingly. I didn’t recognize my face in the mirror at first. for a little while I almost couldn’t breathe, and when I got home I ran straight up to my room without even taking off my boots or coat and pressed my face into the pillow and screamed and screamed and screamed.
…but I also had dinner and laughed a whole lot over Skype with my boyfriend and I just…I didn’t die. and instead of taking any of my brain’s suggestions (burning my forearms, in particular, of late), I am going to take my boyfriend’s, which is to write a list of all the bad things I could do…and then tear it up.