My bladder is probably the size of a peanut, but today it’s like the size of a crumb.
Drinking that glass of strawberry lemonade and then that glass of water with lunch was maybe a dumb idea. I just got settled into writing and suddenly I really really really have to pee which means packing up my entire bag and probably losing my desk. (sigh)
“Female students, [Buckingham University vice-chancellor Terence Kealy] declares, are a perk of the job for male university lecturers – though they should look, not touch. In an article for the Times Higher Education magazine on lust, part of a feature on the seven deadly sins of universities, Kealey wrote: “Normal girls – more interested in abs than in labs, more interested in pecs than specs, more interested in triceps than tripos – will abjure their lecturers for the company of their peers, but nonetheless, most male lecturers know that, most years, there will be a girl in class who flashes her admiration and who asks for advice on her essays. What to do? “Enjoy her! She’s a perk.” Flashing a few literary allusions, he continued: “She doesn’t yet know that you are only Casaubon to her Dorothea, Howard Kirk to her Felicity Phee, and she will flaunt you her curves. Which you should admire daily to spice up your sex, nightly, with the wife.” Displaying a more surprising familiarity with the etiquette at lapdancing clubs, Kealey added: “As in Stringfellows, you should look but not touch.””
reminder to self: I am more than what they did to me. I am more than what happened to me.
I think I forgot. Remind me? I have to remember.
You are absolutely more than what they did to you. So am I. So are all survivors. You are an amazing and incredible person and I am so. ridiculously. blessed. to have you in my life. We all need reminding sometimes. YOU ARE MORE THAN WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU my love.
sound is too much. I can hear a car on the avenue one block over, the ice tray cracking downstairs, the scrape of slippers on carpet, voices are too loud, my own joints cracking, a car starting up outside, the buzz of the lightbulb, even my own typing hurts my ears and scares me.
by Miguel de Unamuno, translated from Spanish by Robert Bly
Shake off this sadness, and recover your spirit; sluggish you will never see the wheel of fate that brushes your heel as it turns going by, the man who wants to live is the man in whom life is abundant.
Now you are only giving food to that final pain which is slowly winding you in the nets of death, but to live is to work, and the only thing which lasts is the work; start then, turn to the work.
Throw yourself like seed as you walk, and into your own field, don’t turn your face for that would be to turn it to death, and do not let the past weigh down your motion.
Learn what’s alive in the furrow, what’s dead in yourself, for life does not move in the same way as a group of clouds; from your work you will be able one day to gather yourself.
He’ll realise I’m not worth it sooner or later. He’ll realise what a mess I am, how much trouble I cause, how much better he could do, how I am too much too much too much. He’ll realise it, and he’ll run.
That’s what they always do.
Always. 6 people left me for this already.
Makes me think of this quote that I identified with:
"I’ve always felt like I was too much. Too emotional, too passionate, too smart, too eccentric. And constantly hungry. Growing up, I thought that if I could curb my appetite, I would also curb those feelings that I wasn’t quite right, that something inside me didn’t match my outside. I hoped that if there were less of me, there would be less of me that felt wrong." — "Taking Up Space" by Kyle Lukoff (from Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, edited by Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergmann)